Relationship Break Ups: Jul 26, 2009

Need to Breakup with a Controlling, Needy, Jealous Boyfriend?

Do you have a sense that your partner restricts your lifestyle with excessive neediness, jealousy, controlling behavior, or by being too demanding. A relationship is a place to build something -- both partners should help the other expand their horizons. Compromises need to be made, but neither partner should have the sense that they are constrained by neediness, jealousy, etc. If your relationship has more in common with a hostage situation than a healthy relationship, you may need relationship help fast.

Your relationship may be unhealthy if your partner:

Demands to be by your side as often as possible
Expects you to call him multiple times a day
Needs to know where you're going at all times
Shows jealousy over your normal interactions with other men
Frowns on your having female friends
Discourages you from spending time with male friends
Has you walking on eggshells for fear of "slipping up"
Demands to analyze everything about your relationship
Pressures you to make commitments for which you're not ready, such as marriage

You may be accustomed to her behaving like this, and you might accept that it's just the way he is. It's your choice if you wish to maintain a relationship with someone who acts like this, but it's important to be aware of these behaviors -- they are signs of an unhealthy relationship. When one partner is controlling or unstable, the other partner often experiences negative physical and mental effects from the stress. A lifetime of tolerating this behavior is a miserable existence.

What if you have no desire to maintain this relationship? Are you putting off the inevitable? Do you have the sense that eventually you will leave your partner, though now is just not the right time. With a birthday coming up, a parent who is ill, or an important interview on the horizon, you just can't leave her now in her time of need. The truth is, there is never a good time to leave, and the sooner you do it, the sooner you both can get on with your lives.

If you see your relationship described here, this describes you, take action. Go to my site on leaving unhappy relationships.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men and women leave unhappy, unhealthy relationships. See http://www.leavinghim.com/ (for women), or http://www.leavingher.com/ (for men).

How to Breakup With Your Clingy Girlfriend and Get Your Life Back

Relationships should be a place for growth and comfort for both partners. If you feel like you no longer desire to be in a relationship, but feel stuck because of your clingy partner, you need to resolve to leave. No matter if your relationship is 2 months or 10 years, sometimes it dawns on you: "This is no longer working for me." Maybe you've realized that the relationship is unhealthy, or maybe you just feel like moving on.

Regardless, you should never feel like you're stuck in a relationship, staying simply for your partner's benefit. This isn't only unfair to you; it's unfair to your partner, who needs to find someone who truly wants to be with her.

Obviously, it's your obligation to let your partner know how you feel, so that you can both move on. However, sometimes it's not so simple. If you're partner is needy, clingy, and has a co-dependent relationship style, leaving can feel close to impossible. This is compounded in the case where the man is conflict-avoidant.

Unfortunately, the combination of needy girl and conflict-avoidant guy is a common one. This is why so many guys are stuck in unhappy relationships. Don't let that guy be you!

Instead of allowing the relationship to go on forever, you need to set a course to break up. Although it may seem difficult, you can do it if you just follow a few simple steps.

Take some time for yourself to gain clarity on the matter. You have to decide with certainty that you're ready to leave. Even if you're already sure, it's important that you take some time for yourself just prior to the break-up. This will help you gain confidence in your decision, AND it will get you out from under her influence so. At this time, you can summon up some of the power it's going to take to follow through.

Understand that you will NEED to go through with this. You may have existed in a relationship for years where you did everything to please her, and despite all that, she may hate you from now on. You simply have to accept that if you're going to go through with this.

When you come back from your time away, tell her that you've made up your mind that you need to leave this relationship. If you think that she will go berserk, you may need to do this over the phone or in writing (a letter or email). YES, that's right: A letter or email may be the most appropriate way to do this. Despite what every other break up article says, sometimes it feels impossible to break up in-person, and it's better to do it over the phone or through a letter than to wait several years while you build up the courage.

Let her know that you know for certain that it's time to move. Tell her that you don't regret your time together, but that you've felt this way for a little while, and you know that she'd want to do this as soon as possible. Be as compassionate as possible, but remember: Sometimes feelings cannot be expressed logically. Don't get hung-up on trying to answer all her questions -- sometimes the answer is simple, "Sorry, I don't know why I feel this way, but I do."

Take steps to separate ASAP. If she wants to persist in talking about it, you may have to tell her that you no longer wish to discuss the decision, otherwise you may be talking about it forever. Do not suggest that you two will be friends -- that rarely works out well, especially in these circumstances.

Once you've separated, take time to learn from your mistakes, read some material about healthy relationships, and savor your newly-found freedom!

If you still desire to leave your partner but are still feeling hopelessly stuck in an unhealthy relationship, go here, where you'll learn exactly how to get free.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

For Men - 11 Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship - And How to Get Out

It's often obvious that a needy, demanding woman who clings to a man has codependent tendencies. However, a relationship consists of two people, and HE is no less responsible. In fact, his behavior can also be labeled "codependent." Two people who have codependent tendencies may act in opposite ways: While one is needy and drains her partner, the other may have a enlarged sense of responsibility to his partner, and is overly sensitive to her needs and demands.

In fact, people with opposing codependent styles tend to attract each other. These opposing psychological profiles have been termed "takers" and "caretakers."

Codependent relationships are complicated, and they're often characterized by manipulation, lack of boundaries, repressed emotions, emotional volatility, jealousy

issues, verbal abuse, etc. Both partners tend to have complicated back-stories, which often serve to justify abnormal behavior. If you're a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship, realize that your happiness is worth the effort it takes to move on.

First, take a look at this list, which identify just some of the signs to look for:

* You feel that you're responsible for her, and it's your job to make her happy and solve her problems
* You suppress your emotions and avoid confrontation
* You have the sense of sacrificing the life you want so that you can be with her and take care of her
* You feel trapped at times, and have the sense that you are planning an eventual escape
* You feel tremendous guilt at the thought of abandoning her

* She is extremely jealous and makes it difficult for you to interact with other females or have female friends
* She has an intense fear of rejection and abandonment
* She lives her life in way that depends on you for many of her needs, as opposed to being independent and having a variety of fulfilling relationships
* She has expressed that she wouldn't be able to live her life if you betrayed or abandoned her
* She depends almost exclusively on you as her source of happiness and validation
* She dominates and manipulates you through her emotional response, which is often too extreme

These are just some of the signs that are easiest to spot from the man's point of you view. If you feel that you may be in a codependent relationship, or you feel as if you're trapped and there's no way out, most like. Being in a codependent relationship makes for a stressful and unhappy lifestyle. And yet, your avoidant tendencies may keep you from following through with a break up or separation.

You may be planning to break up for a long time, but you just keep holding off -- many men wait years, or even a lifetime, remaining in such a relationship. It's important that you don't dwell on planning, and you take certain actions, fast. If you feel ready to begin the separation process, DO NOT hesitate: The longer you wait, and the more time you both invest, the more difficult it becomes.

You may want to consider getting the help of a counselor. Be sure that the counselor doesn't assume that you want to maintain the relationship if you're choosing to move on; many counselors operate from the assumption that the relationship should be "fixed."

Finally, many men are in dire need of a map that:

1) Identifies what is dysfunctional in your relationship

2) Affirms your right to leave an unhappy relationship

3) Guides you through the break up in a way that minimizes pain and hardship for you both

If you need break up help, visit my site below and find A Way Out.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Girlfriend Too Clingy, Needy, Jealous, Controlling Or Demanding? Seek Help!

If your friend is in an unhealthy, isolated, or abusive relationship, what should you do? Can you save your friend from an demanding, controlling boyfriend or husband? How about an overly needy or manipulative girlfriend or wife?

Of course, your actions depend on the context: Is your friend's partner truly dangerous, or is he/she just merely annoying? Many truly unhealthy relationships have some of the same attributes. Does your friend's partner:

* resort to verbal, physical or emotional abuse?
* act manipulative, dictating your friend's behavior?
* have clingy or controlling tendencies, rarely letting your friend pursue independent activities or maintain friendships?
* act extremely jealous, keeping your friend from interacting with members of the opposite sex (or same sex for gay couples)?
* bring your friend down emotionally?
* abuse drugs or alcohol, or have other destructive habits that negatively affect the relationship?
* borrow money and refuse to work, negatively impacting your friend's lifestyle?

Many of these traits are characteristics of an unhealthy -- or codependent -- relationship. Codependent means that at least one partner has an unhealthy dependence on the other. This could, for example, refer to one partner clinging on to the other, or one partner feeling the need to take care of another who doesn't contribute.

It's difficult to watch friends stay involved with someone who isn't good for them. At the same time, criticism of a friend's partner can be an explosive topic, and sensitivity is required. You have several options when you're faced with such a dilemma.

Options:

1) Say nothing - This is usually the wrong choice. If the relationship is necessarily brief (for example, you are on vacation with your friend, and he meets a local girl), then it might be best to say nothing. Otherwise, it's a friend's obligation to at least attempt to keep them from harm.

2) Threaten to take away your friendship -- Depending on the situation, you might have to put your friendship on the line, telling your friend that you just can't stand by and condone what's going on.

3) State your opinion, but continue to be friends -- This is often the best case, but only if your friend can separate your friendship from his/her relationship. If you often hang out with the two as a couple, you are implicitly giving your approval of the relationship.

4) Get a third party involved -- If you feel that your friend is in possible danger, it's important that you get a third party involved, such as mutual friend, your friend's family, or in cases of physical abuse, even the police. The worst that can happen is you realize that you overreacted; on the other hand, you could potentially save his or her life.

In most cases, Option 3 is the best choice. You should express your opinion if you think your friend's boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband is harmful for them. After all, that's what friends are for. Even if you have to put your friendship on the line, you can let them know that you will be there for them when they come to their senses.

In the end, you can't rescue a friend from a bad relationship -- they have to want to leave. You can let them know how you feel, be there for them when possible, and provide any resources they might find helpful.

If you have a male friend stuck in an unhealthy relationship, you may want to send him my ebook, A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships. I help them determine if they're stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and give them a map to help them leave as quickly and compassionately as possible.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Can You Save a Friend That is Stuck in a Bad Relationship?

For most relationships, breaking up in person is the most appropriate and respectful way to breakup. If it has been a long-term relationship and you're able to express yourself freely with your partner, you should show them the courtesy and respect of breaking up face-to-face.

However, sometimes circumstances dictate that a breakup be done in writing. For example, a break up letter might be appropriate if:

* Your partner tends to behave violently or engage in physical or verbal abusive
* Your partner did something to violate you or betray your trust (such as cheating), and you no longer wish to interact with them again
* You've tried to break up in the past, and your partner refuses to listen or let you speak freely
* Your partner refuses to meet you or take your calls
* It's a long-distance relationship, and you're not able to see them or call

Things to consider...

If you're thinking of writing a break up letter because you lack the courage to face them, try to summon the willpower to do it in-person. As long as the situation isn't threatening, it's the best way to go. Though it's difficult to deliver bad news and make someone get upset or cry, it can seem disrespectful and avoidant to write them instead.

However, if you've been avoiding breaking up because you dread the face-to-face encounter, stop delaying and write them! it's better to break it off ASAP -- even if that means through a letter or email -- so you both can get on with your lives. Some people spend months or even years avoiding a break up out of fear; do it in writing if that's the only way you can!

Also, if you have trouble expressing yourself in-person, you might want to write a breakup letter and then give it to your partner while you're with him or her - there's nothing wrong with that.

I should note that while email tends to feel less personal, sometimes it's the best option if timing or distance is an issue.

How to write a "Dear John" or "Dear Jane" letter:

Step 1: Why I'm writing

After your "Dear [Partner]," explain that you regret that you couldn't speak face-to-face, but circumstances made this necessary. You might want to let them know why you couldn't face them. For instance, if you are afraid of a violent reaction, feel too guilty, or simply never want to see them again, just say so. Tell them that you know they'd want to hear this information as soon as possible, and this is the best way for you to do it.

Step 2: Why I'm moving on

Tell them that you've decided to end the relationship. You might want to explain why, or it might be obvious to you both (e.g., cheating). Focus on yourself and how you feel, and try not to dwell on your ex-partner's faults.

If there isn't a clear reason, you might just say that though you appreciate his or her positive qualities, but the relationship isn't working for you. Express that you've enjoyed your time together, but now you know it's time for you to move on. Let them know that you'll have fond memories (if it's true).

Step 3: "Get help"

If the relationship was troubled by your ex-partner's unhealthy behavior (e.g., cheating, substance abuse, violence), you may want to express how that affected you. You can recommend that they get help, and wish for them to recover. Repeat that you know that it's time for you to move on, and that -- even if he or she changes for the better -- your decision remains.

Step 4: Possibly friends?

Although I don't recommend that you bring up friendship, if you want to stay open to the possibility of friendship, you can say so. This generally isn't a good idea, but sometimes it's OK, especially in cases where you were friends first. You can let them know that you both need time to heal, but there is the possibility of friendship down the line.

Step 5: Your decision is final

If you don't want to retain any possibility of getting together again, tell them that you are certain in your decision to split, and ask them to respect that. If you don't wish to hear from them again, let them know that calls, visits, and correspondence are not welcome. Remind them that you don't wish to spend any more time discussing what went wrong, and that you're getting on with your life.

Step 6: Apologize

If you did anything to harm your ex-partner -- especially if you cheated or lied to him or her - apologize in the most heartfelt way possible. However, as advice columnist Dan Savage says, "All relationships fail until one doesn't," so don't blame yourself simply because your relationship didn't "succeed."

Step 7: "All the best..."

Wish your partner the best. If you like, you can let them know that contact you at a certain email address sometime in the future, but remind them that now it's time to heal. Though it may be difficult, avoid ending the letter with "Love, [Your name]."

Remember: Concentrate on the task at hand: Ending the relationship, not analyzing it. Also, avoid mentioning that you love them, even if it's true. Mentioning your love for them will only confuse them and give them hope, so avoid it.

Finally, if you're a man in an unhealthy relationship and you're having difficulty leaving, or you know such a man, check out my break up manual for men who feel stuck. For female readers, if you know a man who is stuck with a clingy, excessively jealous, or unstable woman, check out my site and see if the eBook is right for him.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

How to Write a Break Up Letter in 7 Steps

People can be indecisive about whether to stay in a relationship or break up. If you're in a relationship and feel like you're in a perpetual state of indecision - always with "one foot out the door" but never quite ready to leave - you need to determine if you should stay or go.

Your relationship is solid if you can answer "yes" to the following questions:

* Do you still have romantic feelings for your partner, and still find him or her attractive?
* Are there feelings of mutual respect and admiration?
* Do you feel that you can trust each other. If your partner has betrayed your trust, will you be able trust him or her again in the future?
* Are you satisfied with your relationship at least 60% of the time?
* Does your partner have similar values to you?
* Is your relationship free of abuse, either physical, verbal, or emotional?
* Does your partner challenge you to be a better person, but accept and love for who you are?

If your answers are yes, try to determine what it is that's holding you back from feeling committed to the relationship. Do you feel that your lifestyle is compromised by staying in your relationship? If so, in what way? All relationships require sacrifices - are you willing to make the sacrifices required to stay with your partner?

High divorce rates seem to indicate that not everyone is cut-out for a long-term, monogamous relationship. If you feel that you're trying to mold yourself into someone you're not by staying in this relationship, you may need to break up and reclaim your freedom. At the same time, it's easy to take all of the comforts of a relationship for granted, and only see the negative. If your partner is a source of great comfort, companionship and love, reflect on how much value that adds to your life.

I once met an elderly woman who turned her back on her college sweetheart to live independently, and she regretted it: A similar love never found her again. Everyone feels pains of unease sometimes in relationships, especially when they meet an attractive stranger and suddenly have the strong desire to be single. Just remember: That stranger probably wouldn't understand you like your partner does, or provide the same level of comfort and companionship.

That said, if you have the feeling that you're staying in the relationship only for your partner's sake, I highly recommend you break up. You're not doing your partner a favor by staying - he or she deserves someone who wants to be with them. You should not stay with someone simply because you feel too guilty to leave, or because your partner "needs you." A relationship is a choice for both people involved - you're never truly trapped in a relationship.

However, some people do feel trapped. For men feeling stuck in unhealthy or unwanted relationships, see my manual on how to leave. Because so many women need help too, I hope to have a version aimed specifically at females in the future.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Should You Break Up? 7 Questions to Determine Whether to Stay Or Leave a Relationship

Emotional Abuse - 7 Signs That You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be harder to identify, because emotionally abusive tendencies can slowly creep into a relationship in the form of unhealthy patterns. Emotionally abusive partners seek to manipulate you. They often don't want to hurt you, but they're controlling nature makes them act out in a way that is mentally and emotionally harmful. Here are some signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:

* You feel that you can't express yourself freely with your partner, or you have to "walk on eggshells."
* Your partner frequently express jealousy, and keeps you from engaging in normal interactions with the opposite sex
* Your partner frequently criticizes you, humiliates you, or undermines your self-esteem
* Your partner keeps you from your friends, family and support groups outside of the relationship
* You caught your partner monitoring your email or internet usage
* Your partner alludes to the possibility of harming you or your loved ones if you "betrayed" or left him or her
* Your partner implies that if you were to leave, he or she may commit suicide or engage in other self-harm

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but simply point to some of the trends of an emotionally abusive relationship. Regarding the last bullet point -- threats of suicide -- it is an especially manipulative tactic. If your partner holds their potential suicide over their head, they are essentially trying to take you hostage. You need to bring in a third party if they resort to this or any other form of violence.

If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you need to get help or get out, and you need to do it fast. Even if it never escalates to physical abuse, emotionally abusive relationships can be damaging, possibly leading to stress, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.

Just like other forms of abuse, it's common for both women and men to be victims of emotional abuse.

If you are a man feeling stuck in a relationship that may be emotionally abusive partner, I wrote a manual with one goal in mind: to finally leave her It can be very difficult to leave a relationship when you feel responsible for your partner and fear for her well-being -- I cover how to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible.

Codependent Relationship Stressing You Out? Do Something About It!

Codependent relationships are usually characterized by two roles: A needy person who depends on her partner too much, and a person who acts the care-taker, always comforting his partner at his own expense. In relationships, a common pattern is a clingy woman paired with a man who never asserts himself (though the roles can be reversed).

Codependent simply means that you depend too much on your partner emotionally. For her, this may mean that she relies on you for all her emotional needs, and "can't live without you." For him, it may mean he feels too responsible for her, always catering to her demands, and never asserting himself for fear of hurting her.

Are you a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship? Maybe you wish she wasn't so clingy -- or maybe you want to leave the relationship entirely -- but you "don't want to hurt her," as so many guys say about their clingy girlfriends.

If you find yourself in this situation, it's because you didn't assert yourself whenever she showed herself to be overly needy or demanding. In fact, you may have inadvertently encouraged her to behave like this. Now you may feel stuck in patters that don't allow for the things you desperately need:

    * Some degree of independence
    * Space to yourself
    * Time to pursue friendships and hobbies outside the relationship

Have you ever felt that you are making major life choices based on her insecurities? Maybe she discourages you from taking a position that requires travel, or maybe she's pressuring you to get engaged before you're ready...

If you find yourself in this situation, you have to either:

a) Negotiate new terms for the relationship -- terms that you find acceptable and don't cause you persistent stress

or...

b) Plan to leave the relationship

Otherwise, the constant stress of remaining in a codependent relationship will take a toll on your mental and physical well-being, and you will live a life of regret.

If you feel trapped in an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship, see my site on how to breakup and get on with your life.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com

Get Your Ex Back Products - Do They Work?

The internet is littered with eBooks and programs on how to get your ex back. I'm constantly seeing ads shouting:

"Get Your Ex Beg You to Come Back, Guaranteed!" "10 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Crawling Back!" "Top-Secret Tricks to Win Back Your Girlfriend or Wife!" Are these products legitimate?

They are generally a collection of sometimes common-sense strategies to bring back your ex. Most ideas revolve around:

    * Showing off a new confidence, look, and/or personality
    * Making the ex jealous by dating/flirting/etc.
    * Re-framing the break-up as mutual ("Let's both take a break")
    * Showing the ex that you're moving on -- basically, using "reverse psychology."
    * ...and a multitude of other strategies and gimmicks.

Do they work?

The better products (I don't endorse any particular one) may give you insight into your past behavior, show you what you may have done to push your ex away, and help you become a more balanced person. They may help you get rid of unattractive qualities (such as neediness), and encourage you to make yourself more attractive. In other words, they may indeed work, helping you get your ex to desire a relationship with you again.

On the other hand, as always, the buyer has to beware. It's a common practice to market products (especially internet products) with phony or highly embellished testimonials. It's also common to "talk up" products well beyond what they're actually able to deliver.

As far as "Get Your Ex Back" products go, most are not willing to say what should be obvious: Many times, your partner won't take you back, no matter what you do.

Ask yourself: Have you ever broken up with someone who you absolutely wouldn't take back? Even if they were a great person? Sometimes, one partner just wants or need something else, and the relationship can't work. We all have free will, so take the promises of "Get Your Ex Back" products with a grain of salt.

Marketing to the Desperate

As internet marketers know, desperate customers make the best customers. I'm not saying don't buy these products: It's OK to feel needy and desperate sometimes, and it's OK to seek comfort in quirky internet products. If you have the money, they can help you find some of the perspective and self-esteem you may lost in the break-up (at least, the good ones can).

Just remember that some internet marketers will gladly take advantage of your desperation. Avoid anything that:

    * Makes wild promises of "amazing secrets" that are "normally worth thousands of dollars"
    * Guarantees that your ex will absolutely come back
    * Charges an unreasonable amount of money
    * Comes off as slimey, sleazy or manipulative

I believes that it's a seller's responsibility to behave responsibly when it comes to serving "desperate" customers. They should follow certain principles, including the following:

    * Make it affordable for everyone who faces the situation -- making it excessively expensive and customers may hurt themselves financially because they feel desperate
    * Provide a sample so customers know exactly what they're getting
    * Avoid wild claims, manipulative text and false testimonials

I believe that all products marketed to people who are struggling -- including "Get Your Ex Back" products -- should follow these guideline. It's OK to let your broken heart get the best of you. Just don't let marketers take advantage of you during a difficult time in your life. By the way, in my ebook on how to leave unhealthy relationships (for men), I make sure to follow the guidelines above.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men get UNSTUCK from unhealthy relationships. Go here to learn more: http://www.how-to-finally-leave-her.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Break Up Advice For Men - When is the Right Time to Break-Up?

Breaking up isn't easy. As men, we often sit on the fence about the decision. It's important to get out of that state of indecision as soon as possible and take action -- either commit to staying, or commit to breaking up.

Even when we are certain about wanting to break-up, we like to put it off: Afterall, her sister's wedding is coming up, and then there's the high school reunion, and you can't do it just 2 weeks before her birthday, right...?

Don't use bad timing as an excuse: There's NEVER an ideal time. There will always be a birthday, an anniversary, or a holiday on the horizon. Yes, you may seem like a jerk if you try to break-up on Valentine's Day, but if the desire to leave the relationship hits you and you give yourself plenty of time to determine it's the right choice, you have to let her know ASAP.

Obviously, you want to be sensitive and respectful: I'm not telling you to give her the news moments after her cancer diagnosis or at her mom's funeral. Unless the relationship is extremely unhealthy (i.e., she is physically or emotionally abusive), you can delay having "the talk" for just a bit, but not weeks or months!

Remember, there's only one thing worse than having to fake your feelings for someone: Finding out that someone was faking their feelings for you. In other words, if you wait, she will realize that you've felt this way for a while, and it will be even more hurtful for her.

Don't do that to her -- let her know ASAP, so you both can get on with your lives.

If you're feeling stuck in an unhappy relationship, I wrote a "how to break-up" guide for guys like you.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Clingy, Jealous Girlfriend Controlling Your Life? 8 Dumb Reasons Why Men Stay With Needy Women

Relationships are all about choice -- sometimes we choose wrong.

As men, we can appreciate a great woman -- someone who is smart, well-balanced, and provides us with comfort and emotional support. Sometimes, however, we find ourselves with clingy, controlling, jealous, emotionally unbalanced women. Instead of comfort, they are sources of stress and conflict.

When we realize that we're in such a relationship, it's time to break it off and choose again. The alternative is a life of dissatisfaction, and never finding a mate with whom you're truly compatible.

Sometimes breaking-up can be incredibly difficult. This is especially true when dealing with an overly emotional partner who has codependent tendencies ("codependent" refers to excessive neediness, controlling behavior, etc.). What's worse: The men who are drawn to these types are often timid when it comes to expressing their needs in a relationship. These men can stay for years -- long after they know they should break-up, but never being able to actually end it.

Are you in a relationship that you no longer want?

Are you putting off the inevitable break up because you can't find the right way to break-up? Are you delaying because it's never the right time? Stop! You're wasting both your time and her's. Many men stay with women because they just don't know how to summon the strength to break-up, and/or they don't know how to initiate the break-up. Here are some bad responses for why men stay stuck in bad relationships:

* "I don't want to hurt her."
* "She won't be able to survive the break-up."
* "I can't stand to make her cry."
* "She'll go crazy and try to ruin her life"
* "We live together, have a dog, share a car, etc."
* "We're engaged!"
* "Her family is really nice to me" (or, "Her dad is a family friend/my boss/etc.")
* "My family expects us to get married."

These are just a few poor excuses why men stay in stressful, unhappy relationships. None of them are valid reasons for staying in a relationship that you don't want.

Do you find yourself wanting to break-up, but you find yourself stuck? Get your life back -- check out my ebook on how to leave unhealthy relationships

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Men, Are You in a Codependent Relationship With a Needy, Controlling, Or Emotionally Volatile Woman?

What is codependency?

I've known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend's flaws. They often don't realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist.

These men are often stuck in codependent relationships. The term "codependent" is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side. However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval.

Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He'd either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relationship, on the other hand, end up pursuing an endless pattern of trying to please their partner, and feeling frustrated when their desire for freedom conflicts with their partners need for rigid conformity to her needy patterns of behavior.

All relationships should have plenty of mutual acceptance, space to be alone, time with friends (of both genders), and respect. Often, codependent relationships are lacking these things.

There are two dynamics going on in such relationships:

1) Her issues (often revolving around low self-esteem) prompt her to be controlling, jealous and overly sensitive .

2) Your issues (often involving shame and the desire to please) prompt you to stay in an unhealthy relationship -- despite the stress and dissatisfaction -- for fear of disappointing her.

Are you in a Codependent Relationship?

If you're in a codependent relationship with a controlling or needy woman, you might find that the relationship is especially restrictive. Some common traits of these relationships include:

* You have to always let her know where you are
* When you're out, you have to speak on the phone multiple times a day
* You are discouraged from keeping female friends
* She takes an active dislike of some of your friends and/or family, and feels offended that you would have them as part of your life
* She attempts to control your internet usage, or monitors your email and other online communications (Facebook, etc.)
* She shows excessive jealousy
* She has difficulty letting petty issues go, and instead insists that you both talk about them at length
* She mistrusts you and casts a suspicious eye, even if you've done nothing wrong
* She's often critical of your behavior
* You find yourself often "walking on eggshells" around her
* Your friends tell you that you shouldn't put up with her, but you feel the need to stay
* You can't speak your mind because you're too afraid of how she'll react
* You've considered breaking up for a long time, but you don't want to break her heart
* You feel that she may not be able to live without you, or you've tried to break up and she threatened drastic action (quitting her job, hurting herself, etc.)

These are just a few possible indicators of a codependent relationship, and by no means is an exhaustive list.

What's Wrong with Codependent Relationships?

Relationships should be places of comfort and acceptance, and they should be avenues to expanding your horizons, not restricting them. Relationships should add joy to one's life, and though they often hit rough patches, a relationship shouldn't be a constant burden. Codependent relationships can be so stressful and restrictive that the men involved often reach a boiling point, blowing-up at their partner. It's like a release valve, and after the pressure dissipates a bit, they fall right back into the pattern.

It's up to these men to determine whether they want to remain in that relationship or find their way to freedom. If you see yourself described in this article, take hope -- many men are stuck in similar situations, and there is a way out. I've written eBook especially for guys like you -- it's affordable to all men who desire to get out of unhealthy relationships. If you feel that you need to leave your relationship but fear the consequences of leaving, my eBook on ending unhealthy relationships will guide you to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Ladies - Should You Help Your Guy Friend in a Bad Relationship?

Most of the time, it's none of our business who our friends choose as their romantic partners. However...

If you have a friend who is stuck in an unhappy relationship, you're not doing him or her a favor by keeping quiet. A healthy friendship can survive an honest discussion about his or her partner.

If you have a male friend whose relationship is making him unhappy, or there is emotional (or even physical) abuse going on, you should definitely speak-up. Sometimes, you may even have to put the friendship on the line, letting him know that you can't support his relationships (but you promise to be there after he leaves the unhealthy relationship).

I speak from experience: I was in an unhealthy relationship in the past, and I needed all the support I could get. Now I counsel men who find themselves stuck in similar situations. They all have different stories, but there are similar themes. Most say that they want nothing more than to leave, but they feel like they can't, often because of a misguided sense of responsibility...or simply because they know she'll "freak-out."

Unfortunately, most men aren't used to seeking advice on these matters. Instead of finding someone who brings joy to their lives, they just carry on being miserable. Women, on the other hand, usually don't hesitate to seek help. Sometimes they get stuck too, but they often get smart and find help before long.

Ladies, if you have a male friend who is stuck in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship, and you're sick of watching him suffer, do something about it! Provide whatever support you can, and show him that there is a way out.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

How to Leave a Relationship - Advice For a Bad Break Up

The typical "How to Break-Up" advice goes like this:

* Be sensitive to their pain
* Shift the reasons towards you instead of blaming them
* Do it in person, and not by texting or email
* Communicate from the heart and then give them space

However, if you're on the internet looking for advice about how to break-up, the above tips are probably NOT helpful.

In other words, you're probably a sensitive person who would never dream of doing it through text, for example -- you're just looking for ways to reduce the pain for partner. Maybe your partner is dependent on you, or has no idea that you have doubts about the relationship, and you're scared of his or her reaction.

You're probably feeling tremendous guilt: You never wanted to hurt anybody, and you feel that this could devastate your partner.

The best break-up advice I can give you right now is this: You have permission to go. A relationship is a choice. You can break up with anyone at anytime, and for any reason. It doesn't matter if you've been together 10 days or 10 years -- there's always the possibility that one partner will choose a different path.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is part of life, and your partner signed-up for this possibility when he or she pursued a relationship with you. Also remember that -- despite how much your partner loves you -- he or she probably wouldn't want to be with you if they truly knew that you didn't wish to be with them. And if they really love you, they'll want the best for you.

See the resources below for guidance handling an unhappy relationship.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Break-Up Without Hurting Her - Is it Possible?

Intro

Are you a man considering breaking up your relationship, but you don't want to hurt her? There are good reasons for staying with your partner, but fear of how she'll respond to the break-up should not be one of them. Many guys stay because of this fear, even if they have valid reasons for wanting to break-up:

* Maybe you don't communicate well as a couple...
* Maybe she's too clingy...
* Maybe you need more space and time to yourself...
* Or maybe you just want to be single and pursue career and personal goals without the complications of a relationship...

No matter what your reason for leaving, if you are a compassionate person, you will probably feel bad about having to hurt her. However, no matter how much you care for your partner, you can't stay with them out of fear of the break-up. Contrary to what you may think, staying when your heart isn't in it doesn't benefit her: Nobody truly desires a partner that stays with them out of pity.

Delaying the break-up

Are you delaying the break-up because you don't want to hurt your partner? Does this sound familiar:

* "I don't want to cause her pain"
* "I can't stand to make her cry"
* "She can't live without me"
* "She'll freak out if break it off"

These are not valid reasons for avoiding a break-up. Heartbreak is part of life. Would you want to live a life in which you never experienced the pain of an aching heart? A life of minimal heartbreak would be nice, but some heartbreak is unavoidable. There is only one way to avoid heartbreak: Stay single. All of us sign-up for potential heartbreak when we enter into a relationship.

Just remember: You are not cruel for wanting to break-up a relationship that you no longer desire. In fact, breaking up is the only thing you can do once you've decided that you can't keep your heart in the relationship anymore.

A break-up without pain isn't possible.

If you are delaying the break-up because you don't want to hurt her, it's obvious that you care very much for your partner, and that's good. However, you're also probably worried about yourself -- how will you be able to handle her reaction. Simply put, you're scared. There is a valid reason for being scared: There is no way to break-up without pain and discomfort.

You can remove that fear by learning how to make the break-up as painless as possible for you both. There are certain guidelines you can follow, one of which is to take action ASAP: The longer you wait, the more you both have invested in the relationship.

If you feel stuck, and could use a guide on how to break-up in a way that causes the least amount of pain possible, see my resources below for leaving unhappy relationships.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find help here

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Clingy Girlfriend Or Wife? 13 Signs of an Unhealthy Or Codependent Relationship

The image of the demanding woman being in control of the relationship is one that is popular and sometimes even comical in TV in film. Just look at the popular American sitcom Everyone Loves Raymond: Ramyond is always at risk of getting into trouble with his wife. However, sometimes being stuck in a relationship with a dramatic, demanding, clingy woman can be anything but funny.

The following signs indicate that you may be in an unhealthy codependent relationship with your partner:

* You must let her know where you are at all times
* You have to call multiple times a day
* You aren't allowed to have platonic female friends
* She resents your family for taking up your time
* You've discovered that she secretly checks your email, internet history, or social networking sites (Facebook, MySpace, etc.).
* She is extremely jealous
* She can't just let things go -- she insists on talking about "problems" for hours
* She always suspects you of cheating or doing something wrong, even if you've done nothing
* She's overly critical of how you act
* You feel as if you have to "walk on eggshells" around her
* Your friends warn you that you should not be tolerating her clingy, controlling behavior
* You can't speak your opinion because she always "freaks out" when you disagree
* When you try to break up, she threatens to harm herself

When you feel stuck in such a relationship, you might have opposing feelings: On one hand you love your partner and want to please her; on the other hand, you may have a nagging sense that you never wanted this life. You may feel that your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life.

It's your obligation to closely examine your situation. Many people wish to leave their partners because they blame them for everything; when they finally leave, they realize that it wasn't only their partner that was causing the disruption, but their own issues as well.

That said, many men would be much better off by gathering the courage to leave a clingy, demanding, codependent partner (by the way, codependence always involves two people, but here I'm using it to describe a woman who is overly dependent on her man). Though leaving may seem impossible at times, you can do it, regardless of your circumstances.

If you're a man or woman who could use help leaving an unhappy relationship, see the links in the box below.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Stop Being Clingy! 5 Tips to Keep You From Being the Girl Men Can't Stand

Being clingy, needy, or behaving in a codependent fashion is one of the biggest killers in a relationship. I've written numerous articles aimed at helping men who feel stuck in codependent or unhealthy relationships, and now I'd like to address women: Stop being clingy!

People develop clingy, needy tendencies -- which can also be termed "codependent behavior" -- for a variety of reasons, mostly resulting from childhood experiences or past betrayals. But if you find yourself in this pattern, you are pushing your partner away.

What can you do?

1) Become aware of habits that infringe on your man's independence.

Stop being so vigilant of his behavior, calling him several times a day, requiring all the details whenever he goes out, etc. Everyone needs a certain amount of freedom. Women typically want more intimacy than a man is able to provide, and healthy women find a balance. If you don't allow your man space and time to himself, you're suffocating the relationship.

2) Stop constantly testing him!

It's OK to have doubts and fears about the relationship -- you can work on them. But stop frequently asking him if he loves you, if he'll ever leave you, if he finds other women attractive, etc. Men find the constant barrage of testing and questioning stressful and exhausting.

3) Get a handle on jealousy, and don't show resentment for his female friends and acquaintances.

It's normal for him to have female friends. 50% of the world is female, so if you can't handle his interacting with women (some of whom are attractive), it's your problem,not his. Showing jealousy of other women is very unattractive to most men. It might take you some time before you stop feeling jealous, but at least you can stop showing your jealousy from this point on.

4) Recapture your independent spirit, and engage in activities outside the relationship.

Maybe go to dance classes by yourself. Not only will this foster your independent spirit, but it will let your boyfriend be the jealous one for a change. Get yourself out there -- don't be attached to your boyfriend at the hip! Sexy women have their own pursuits -- they're not constantly tagging along with their partners.

5) NOTICE when you're acting in a way that overwhelms or smothers him.

It's OK to occasionally discuss the relationship. It's not OK to analyze everything on a daily basis, forcing him to express exactly how he feels, and getting mad at him when he can't express it well. This drives men crazy -- we're often not good at talking about relationships, and we can be perfectly content without analyzing every detail. Save the analyzing for your girlfriends.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find help here.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Need to Breakup But Can't? How to Breakup When it Feels Impossible

"Do you feel like your partner is standing in your way? Do you have the strong desire to break-up, but you feel stuck? This article discusses what to do when you want to break-up, but -- for whatever reason -- you can't.

Why Can't You Leave?

Relationships are a choice. Or at least, they should be. Sometimes, we realize that a relationship is no longer working, but we stay anyway. There are many reasons why people stay stuck in relationships they no longer want, including:

* Guilt -- You can't bear the thought of hurting our parnter
* Loyalty -- You've invested so much and have a long history with them, even if it's a bad history
* Misplaced priorities -- You feel that your partner's needs are more important than your own
* Expectations - - You don't want to disappoint your family or your partner's family by breaking up
* Financial or logistical reasons -- You don't have the money to leave, you live together, or you have a child together (sometimes a good reason to maintain a relationship, but not always)
* He or she will ""freak out"" -- You fear your partner's reaction to the news

If your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life, you probably need to leave. That doesn't mean disregarding commitments and responsibilities, but if you should never feel trapped in a life you don't want. All relationships require some amount of sacrifice, but giving up the possibility for happiness is not part of the deal.

Many people find themselves staying simply for their partner's benefit. This is a mistake -- it's not only unfair to you, it's unfair to your partner, who deserves someone who truly wants to be with him or her.

Taking the first step

Leaving may seem impossible at times, but you can do it, regardless of your circumstances. The first step is accepting that you will have to take action to change your situation. The longer you wait, the more invested in the relationship you both become. You're wasting you and your partners time.

You probably have been thinking of different disaster scenarios that may happen when you leave. Stop! It's not going to be nearly as bad as you imagine. Yes, hurt feelings are often inevitable, but with just a little planning and consideration, you can guarantee that you can breakup without fear.

What now?

Have the courage to at least explore the possibility that there is a way to breakup without fear -- you won't regret it. If you feel stuck in an unhappy relationship, and you don't know how to get out, see my resources. My breakup guides will lead you step-by-step in the break up process, minimizing pain for you both. Stop imaging the worst -- get my guide and get on with your life: See the websites listed below.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Should You Leave Him (or Her)? Knowing When to Breakup an Unhealthy Relationship

"Sometimes, it can be difficult to know when to leave a relationship.
Perhaps things aren't great, but they're not too bad either. It's easy
to sit on the fence for a while and just let fate take over, but it's
better to make a deliberate choice to stay or go. When making this
decision, an important question to ask yourself is, ""Is this
relationship unhealthy?""

Unhealthy relationships follow identifiable patterns. Though
circumstances always vary from couple to couple, they are often
characterized by:

- Frequent arguments
- Frequent criticism on either side
- Inability to tolerate the other's personal quirks
- Intolerance of the other's friends or family
- Unfair expectations
- Hyper-sensitivity by one or both partners
- Intolerance of occasional lapses of attention
- Psychological problems that lead to behavioral ones
- Inability to address conflicts in a mature fashion
- Excessive jealousy and mistrust
- Extreme insecurity or major obstacles involving low self-esteem
- One or both partners have addictive or destructive tendencies
- Few, if any, mutual friends
- One partner gets easily upset over unimportant or petty things
- Excessive clingy-ness
- One or both partners feels as if they are ""walking on eggshells""
much of the time
- Difficulty discussing feelings

This is by no means and exhaustive list, and just represents some of
the traits that characterize an unhealthy relationship.

Your significant other is supposed to be a source of comfort in the
world, not a persistent source of stress and anxiety. If your
relationship offers no sense of peace or safety, it's time to end it.
If the problems escalate to physical or emotional abuse, the need to
breakup is even more urgent.

If you want to leave your partner but have too much fear and anxiety
at the thought of breaking up, there is help. Check out the links
below.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy
relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find
help here.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men and women leave unhappy, unhealthy relationships. See w www.leavinghim.com (for women), or www.leavingher.com (for men).