Relationship Break Ups

Need to Breakup with a Controlling, Needy, Jealous Boyfriend?

Do you have a sense that your partner restricts your lifestyle with excessive neediness, jealousy, controlling behavior, or by being too demanding. A relationship is a place to build something -- both partners should help the other expand their horizons. Compromises need to be made, but neither partner should have the sense that they are constrained by neediness, jealousy, etc. If your relationship has more in common with a hostage situation than a healthy relationship, you may need relationship help fast.

Your relationship may be unhealthy if your partner:

Demands to be by your side as often as possible
Expects you to call him multiple times a day
Needs to know where you're going at all times
Shows jealousy over your normal interactions with other men
Frowns on your having female friends
Discourages you from spending time with male friends
Has you walking on eggshells for fear of "slipping up"
Demands to analyze everything about your relationship
Pressures you to make commitments for which you're not ready, such as marriage

You may be accustomed to her behaving like this, and you might accept that it's just the way he is. It's your choice if you wish to maintain a relationship with someone who acts like this, but it's important to be aware of these behaviors -- they are signs of an unhealthy relationship. When one partner is controlling or unstable, the other partner often experiences negative physical and mental effects from the stress. A lifetime of tolerating this behavior is a miserable existence.

What if you have no desire to maintain this relationship? Are you putting off the inevitable? Do you have the sense that eventually you will leave your partner, though now is just not the right time. With a birthday coming up, a parent who is ill, or an important interview on the horizon, you just can't leave her now in her time of need. The truth is, there is never a good time to leave, and the sooner you do it, the sooner you both can get on with your lives.

If you see your relationship described here, this describes you, take action. Go to my site on leaving unhappy relationships.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps men and women leave unhappy, unhealthy relationships. See http://www.leavinghim.com/ (for women), or http://www.leavingher.com/ (for men).

How to Breakup With Your Clingy Girlfriend and Get Your Life Back

Relationships should be a place for growth and comfort for both partners. If you feel like you no longer desire to be in a relationship, but feel stuck because of your clingy partner, you need to resolve to leave. No matter if your relationship is 2 months or 10 years, sometimes it dawns on you: "This is no longer working for me." Maybe you've realized that the relationship is unhealthy, or maybe you just feel like moving on.

Regardless, you should never feel like you're stuck in a relationship, staying simply for your partner's benefit. This isn't only unfair to you; it's unfair to your partner, who needs to find someone who truly wants to be with her.

Obviously, it's your obligation to let your partner know how you feel, so that you can both move on. However, sometimes it's not so simple. If you're partner is needy, clingy, and has a co-dependent relationship style, leaving can feel close to impossible. This is compounded in the case where the man is conflict-avoidant.

Unfortunately, the combination of needy girl and conflict-avoidant guy is a common one. This is why so many guys are stuck in unhappy relationships. Don't let that guy be you!

Instead of allowing the relationship to go on forever, you need to set a course to break up. Although it may seem difficult, you can do it if you just follow a few simple steps.

Take some time for yourself to gain clarity on the matter. You have to decide with certainty that you're ready to leave. Even if you're already sure, it's important that you take some time for yourself just prior to the break-up. This will help you gain confidence in your decision, AND it will get you out from under her influence so. At this time, you can summon up some of the power it's going to take to follow through.

Understand that you will NEED to go through with this. You may have existed in a relationship for years where you did everything to please her, and despite all that, she may hate you from now on. You simply have to accept that if you're going to go through with this.

When you come back from your time away, tell her that you've made up your mind that you need to leave this relationship. If you think that she will go berserk, you may need to do this over the phone or in writing (a letter or email). YES, that's right: A letter or email may be the most appropriate way to do this. Despite what every other break up article says, sometimes it feels impossible to break up in-person, and it's better to do it over the phone or through a letter than to wait several years while you build up the courage.

Let her know that you know for certain that it's time to move. Tell her that you don't regret your time together, but that you've felt this way for a little while, and you know that she'd want to do this as soon as possible. Be as compassionate as possible, but remember: Sometimes feelings cannot be expressed logically. Don't get hung-up on trying to answer all her questions -- sometimes the answer is simple, "Sorry, I don't know why I feel this way, but I do."

Take steps to separate ASAP. If she wants to persist in talking about it, you may have to tell her that you no longer wish to discuss the decision, otherwise you may be talking about it forever. Do not suggest that you two will be friends -- that rarely works out well, especially in these circumstances.

Once you've separated, take time to learn from your mistakes, read some material about healthy relationships, and savor your newly-found freedom!

If you still desire to leave your partner but are still feeling hopelessly stuck in an unhealthy relationship, go here, where you'll learn exactly how to get free.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

For Men - 11 Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship - And How to Get Out

It's often obvious that a needy, demanding woman who clings to a man has codependent tendencies. However, a relationship consists of two people, and HE is no less responsible. In fact, his behavior can also be labeled "codependent." Two people who have codependent tendencies may act in opposite ways: While one is needy and drains her partner, the other may have a enlarged sense of responsibility to his partner, and is overly sensitive to her needs and demands.

In fact, people with opposing codependent styles tend to attract each other. These opposing psychological profiles have been termed "takers" and "caretakers."

Codependent relationships are complicated, and they're often characterized by manipulation, lack of boundaries, repressed emotions, emotional volatility, jealousy

issues, verbal abuse, etc. Both partners tend to have complicated back-stories, which often serve to justify abnormal behavior. If you're a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship, realize that your happiness is worth the effort it takes to move on.

First, take a look at this list, which identify just some of the signs to look for:

* You feel that you're responsible for her, and it's your job to make her happy and solve her problems
* You suppress your emotions and avoid confrontation
* You have the sense of sacrificing the life you want so that you can be with her and take care of her
* You feel trapped at times, and have the sense that you are planning an eventual escape
* You feel tremendous guilt at the thought of abandoning her

* She is extremely jealous and makes it difficult for you to interact with other females or have female friends
* She has an intense fear of rejection and abandonment
* She lives her life in way that depends on you for many of her needs, as opposed to being independent and having a variety of fulfilling relationships
* She has expressed that she wouldn't be able to live her life if you betrayed or abandoned her
* She depends almost exclusively on you as her source of happiness and validation
* She dominates and manipulates you through her emotional response, which is often too extreme

These are just some of the signs that are easiest to spot from the man's point of you view. If you feel that you may be in a codependent relationship, or you feel as if you're trapped and there's no way out, most like. Being in a codependent relationship makes for a stressful and unhappy lifestyle. And yet, your avoidant tendencies may keep you from following through with a break up or separation.

You may be planning to break up for a long time, but you just keep holding off -- many men wait years, or even a lifetime, remaining in such a relationship. It's important that you don't dwell on planning, and you take certain actions, fast. If you feel ready to begin the separation process, DO NOT hesitate: The longer you wait, and the more time you both invest, the more difficult it becomes.

You may want to consider getting the help of a counselor. Be sure that the counselor doesn't assume that you want to maintain the relationship if you're choosing to move on; many counselors operate from the assumption that the relationship should be "fixed."

Finally, many men are in dire need of a map that:

1) Identifies what is dysfunctional in your relationship

2) Affirms your right to leave an unhappy relationship

3) Guides you through the break up in a way that minimizes pain and hardship for you both

If you need break up help, visit my site below and find A Way Out.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Girlfriend Too Clingy, Needy, Jealous, Controlling Or Demanding? Seek Help!

If your friend is in an unhealthy, isolated, or abusive relationship, what should you do? Can you save your friend from an demanding, controlling boyfriend or husband? How about an overly needy or manipulative girlfriend or wife?

Of course, your actions depend on the context: Is your friend's partner truly dangerous, or is he/she just merely annoying? Many truly unhealthy relationships have some of the same attributes. Does your friend's partner:

* resort to verbal, physical or emotional abuse?
* act manipulative, dictating your friend's behavior?
* have clingy or controlling tendencies, rarely letting your friend pursue independent activities or maintain friendships?
* act extremely jealous, keeping your friend from interacting with members of the opposite sex (or same sex for gay couples)?
* bring your friend down emotionally?
* abuse drugs or alcohol, or have other destructive habits that negatively affect the relationship?
* borrow money and refuse to work, negatively impacting your friend's lifestyle?

Many of these traits are characteristics of an unhealthy -- or codependent -- relationship. Codependent means that at least one partner has an unhealthy dependence on the other. This could, for example, refer to one partner clinging on to the other, or one partner feeling the need to take care of another who doesn't contribute.

It's difficult to watch friends stay involved with someone who isn't good for them. At the same time, criticism of a friend's partner can be an explosive topic, and sensitivity is required. You have several options when you're faced with such a dilemma.

Options:

1) Say nothing - This is usually the wrong choice. If the relationship is necessarily brief (for example, you are on vacation with your friend, and he meets a local girl), then it might be best to say nothing. Otherwise, it's a friend's obligation to at least attempt to keep them from harm.

2) Threaten to take away your friendship -- Depending on the situation, you might have to put your friendship on the line, telling your friend that you just can't stand by and condone what's going on.

3) State your opinion, but continue to be friends -- This is often the best case, but only if your friend can separate your friendship from his/her relationship. If you often hang out with the two as a couple, you are implicitly giving your approval of the relationship.

4) Get a third party involved -- If you feel that your friend is in possible danger, it's important that you get a third party involved, such as mutual friend, your friend's family, or in cases of physical abuse, even the police. The worst that can happen is you realize that you overreacted; on the other hand, you could potentially save his or her life.

In most cases, Option 3 is the best choice. You should express your opinion if you think your friend's boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband is harmful for them. After all, that's what friends are for. Even if you have to put your friendship on the line, you can let them know that you will be there for them when they come to their senses.

In the end, you can't rescue a friend from a bad relationship -- they have to want to leave. You can let them know how you feel, be there for them when possible, and provide any resources they might find helpful.

If you have a male friend stuck in an unhealthy relationship, you may want to send him my ebook, A Way Out: A Men's Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships. I help them determine if they're stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and give them a map to help them leave as quickly and compassionately as possible.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Can You Save a Friend That is Stuck in a Bad Relationship?

For most relationships, breaking up in person is the most appropriate and respectful way to breakup. If it has been a long-term relationship and you're able to express yourself freely with your partner, you should show them the courtesy and respect of breaking up face-to-face.

However, sometimes circumstances dictate that a breakup be done in writing. For example, a break up letter might be appropriate if:

* Your partner tends to behave violently or engage in physical or verbal abusive
* Your partner did something to violate you or betray your trust (such as cheating), and you no longer wish to interact with them again
* You've tried to break up in the past, and your partner refuses to listen or let you speak freely
* Your partner refuses to meet you or take your calls
* It's a long-distance relationship, and you're not able to see them or call

Things to consider...

If you're thinking of writing a break up letter because you lack the courage to face them, try to summon the willpower to do it in-person. As long as the situation isn't threatening, it's the best way to go. Though it's difficult to deliver bad news and make someone get upset or cry, it can seem disrespectful and avoidant to write them instead.

However, if you've been avoiding breaking up because you dread the face-to-face encounter, stop delaying and write them! it's better to break it off ASAP -- even if that means through a letter or email -- so you both can get on with your lives. Some people spend months or even years avoiding a break up out of fear; do it in writing if that's the only way you can!

Also, if you have trouble expressing yourself in-person, you might want to write a breakup letter and then give it to your partner while you're with him or her - there's nothing wrong with that.

I should note that while email tends to feel less personal, sometimes it's the best option if timing or distance is an issue.

How to write a "Dear John" or "Dear Jane" letter:

Step 1: Why I'm writing

After your "Dear [Partner]," explain that you regret that you couldn't speak face-to-face, but circumstances made this necessary. You might want to let them know why you couldn't face them. For instance, if you are afraid of a violent reaction, feel too guilty, or simply never want to see them again, just say so. Tell them that you know they'd want to hear this information as soon as possible, and this is the best way for you to do it.

Step 2: Why I'm moving on

Tell them that you've decided to end the relationship. You might want to explain why, or it might be obvious to you both (e.g., cheating). Focus on yourself and how you feel, and try not to dwell on your ex-partner's faults.

If there isn't a clear reason, you might just say that though you appreciate his or her positive qualities, but the relationship isn't working for you. Express that you've enjoyed your time together, but now you know it's time for you to move on. Let them know that you'll have fond memories (if it's true).

Step 3: "Get help"

If the relationship was troubled by your ex-partner's unhealthy behavior (e.g., cheating, substance abuse, violence), you may want to express how that affected you. You can recommend that they get help, and wish for them to recover. Repeat that you know that it's time for you to move on, and that -- even if he or she changes for the better -- your decision remains.

Step 4: Possibly friends?

Although I don't recommend that you bring up friendship, if you want to stay open to the possibility of friendship, you can say so. This generally isn't a good idea, but sometimes it's OK, especially in cases where you were friends first. You can let them know that you both need time to heal, but there is the possibility of friendship down the line.

Step 5: Your decision is final

If you don't want to retain any possibility of getting together again, tell them that you are certain in your decision to split, and ask them to respect that. If you don't wish to hear from them again, let them know that calls, visits, and correspondence are not welcome. Remind them that you don't wish to spend any more time discussing what went wrong, and that you're getting on with your life.

Step 6: Apologize

If you did anything to harm your ex-partner -- especially if you cheated or lied to him or her - apologize in the most heartfelt way possible. However, as advice columnist Dan Savage says, "All relationships fail until one doesn't," so don't blame yourself simply because your relationship didn't "succeed."

Step 7: "All the best..."

Wish your partner the best. If you like, you can let them know that contact you at a certain email address sometime in the future, but remind them that now it's time to heal. Though it may be difficult, avoid ending the letter with "Love, [Your name]."

Remember: Concentrate on the task at hand: Ending the relationship, not analyzing it. Also, avoid mentioning that you love them, even if it's true. Mentioning your love for them will only confuse them and give them hope, so avoid it.

Finally, if you're a man in an unhealthy relationship and you're having difficulty leaving, or you know such a man, check out my break up manual for men who feel stuck. For female readers, if you know a man who is stuck with a clingy, excessively jealous, or unstable woman, check out my site and see if the eBook is right for him.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_S._Freeman

How to Write a Break Up Letter in 7 Steps

People can be indecisive about whether to stay in a relationship or break up. If you're in a relationship and feel like you're in a perpetual state of indecision - always with "one foot out the door" but never quite ready to leave - you need to determine if you should stay or go.

Your relationship is solid if you can answer "yes" to the following questions:

* Do you still have romantic feelings for your partner, and still find him or her attractive?
* Are there feelings of mutual respect and admiration?
* Do you feel that you can trust each other. If your partner has betrayed your trust, will you be able trust him or her again in the future?
* Are you satisfied with your relationship at least 60% of the time?
* Does your partner have similar values to you?
* Is your relationship free of abuse, either physical, verbal, or emotional?
* Does your partner challenge you to be a better person, but accept and love for who you are?

If your answers are yes, try to determine what it is that's holding you back from feeling committed to the relationship. Do you feel that your lifestyle is compromised by staying in your relationship? If so, in what way? All relationships require sacrifices - are you willing to make the sacrifices required to stay with your partner?

High divorce rates seem to indicate that not everyone is cut-out for a long-term, monogamous relationship. If you feel that you're trying to mold yourself into someone you're not by staying in this relationship, you may need to break up and reclaim your freedom. At the same time, it's easy to take all of the comforts of a relationship for granted, and only see the negative. If your partner is a source of great comfort, companionship and love, reflect on how much value that adds to your life.

I once met an elderly woman who turned her back on her college sweetheart to live independently, and she regretted it: A similar love never found her again. Everyone feels pains of unease sometimes in relationships, especially when they meet an attractive stranger and suddenly have the strong desire to be single. Just remember: That stranger probably wouldn't understand you like your partner does, or provide the same level of comfort and companionship.

That said, if you have the feeling that you're staying in the relationship only for your partner's sake, I highly recommend you break up. You're not doing your partner a favor by staying - he or she deserves someone who wants to be with them. You should not stay with someone simply because you feel too guilty to leave, or because your partner "needs you." A relationship is a choice for both people involved - you're never truly trapped in a relationship.

However, some people do feel trapped. For men feeling stuck in unhealthy or unwanted relationships, see my manual on how to leave. Because so many women need help too, I hope to have a version aimed specifically at females in the future.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships.
Break Up Help for Women
Break Up Help for Men